So, when you are writing erotica - as everyone seems to be these days - make sure your heroine gets all the questions out of the way before she wets her luscious lips and gazes hungrily at the throbbing one-eyed demon. 'So, why are we doing this?' 'How come I don't know I'm really your daughter?' 'Why does Bob have to be here too?' These are all questions to tear a hand from a reader's genital stimulation in order to scratch a confused head. And we don't want that at the point of no return, do we?
As for your female readers, for whom a lack of lube is likely to be a bigger problem than a lack of tumescence, don't worry about us. Ask away! We can suck a cock and be fucked simultaneously in both nether holes with a fourth cock wedged improbably between our heaving breasts and all the while working out what's for tea and what's likely to happen in the next episode of the four most popular soaps. Go on! Next time we do it, ask me! 'What's a monkey wrench?' 'Why was Lambert offside?' 'Who exactly is that Nigel Farage?' I'll answer and stay slicker than a roller-coaster track ratchet. Oilier than a disembowelled minky whale. Wetter than a Wimbledon finals day.
On a different-though-similar note aimed mainly at the ubiquitous porn purveyor: always give the reader a quick précis of your stories, so they know what degree of privacy they will need while reading, what state of undress they'll need to be in, and even what hand to use. For my Coffee with Cock anthology of erotica, I offered the following. Hope it helps, whatever you are about to do. Oh! But don't you need to keep a cloth handy? Damn. That went down fast! Sorry...
Alexandra has once again hit the jackpot with this, her second collection of stunningly sexy naughty shorties. Incorporating the themes of trust, love, lust, infidelity, loss, loneliness and inexperience, these eight truthful and touching tales evince sexually disparate scenarios. They will make you think, make you reflect on your own existence, but most of all they will titillate and arouse you beyond measure. Tackled in order or dipped into at will, each story is an emotional and sexually explicit journey that will leave you trembling, breathless and aching for more.
Two of the included stories mention a fictional website - erotic_fiction.co.uk - and reflect Alexandra's debt to similar story sites, where her love for writing erotica was born and nurtured.
The stories:
Steve, Abigail, Andrea, Rae and me.
Jimmy's affair with his wife's twin sister - the wife of his best friend, Steve - is wild, but it pales beside his online fling with the mysterious American beauty he knows simply as Rae.
Home is the sailor.
A cruise ship steams into the night. Overwhelmed by the vast ocean and her uncertain future, a lone girl stands at the prow and casts her childhood into the vessel's churning wake.
Like mother, like daughter.
In the middle of the night, Robbie is woken by a snarling, finger-pointing woman who claims to be the mother of the girl who has just left his flat, the girl whose damp knickers still dangle from the head of his bed.
The girl next door.
In a frenzy of lust and confusion, Eliot steals the clothes of Bianca, the beautiful girl next door, and uses them to enact intimate scenes in the privacy of his bedroom. As the summer holidays progress, the teenage neighbours develop a flirty friendship which leads to even more confusion in the young man's mind.
Single again.
Separated after a brief but sordid affair, Karen decides a new start in a new home would be beneficial. Incredibly, she finds she is already intimately acquainted with the rude and arrogant owner of the cottage she has set her heart on, and decides to use this fact to her advantage.
Xia and the screenwriter.
An inexperienced but eager screenwriter has a movie script accepted and filming is quickly scheduled. After an on-set accident involving the leading man, our hero is press-ganged into a scene with Xia, the sexiest and most famous star of her generation.
Coffee with Cock.
A young man muses over the female clientele in a bustling coffee shop, with candid commentary from his willing, eager and constantly throbbing companion.
The car park.
Finding instant affinity in a late-night chat room, two daring and fortuitously local lovers are inspired to brave the drifting snow and share a stunning hour of backseat passion.
Two of the included stories mention a fictional website - erotic_fiction.co.uk - and reflect Alexandra's debt to similar story sites, where her love for writing erotica was born and nurtured.
The stories:
Steve, Abigail, Andrea, Rae and me.
Jimmy's affair with his wife's twin sister - the wife of his best friend, Steve - is wild, but it pales beside his online fling with the mysterious American beauty he knows simply as Rae.
Home is the sailor.
A cruise ship steams into the night. Overwhelmed by the vast ocean and her uncertain future, a lone girl stands at the prow and casts her childhood into the vessel's churning wake.
Like mother, like daughter.
In the middle of the night, Robbie is woken by a snarling, finger-pointing woman who claims to be the mother of the girl who has just left his flat, the girl whose damp knickers still dangle from the head of his bed.
The girl next door.
In a frenzy of lust and confusion, Eliot steals the clothes of Bianca, the beautiful girl next door, and uses them to enact intimate scenes in the privacy of his bedroom. As the summer holidays progress, the teenage neighbours develop a flirty friendship which leads to even more confusion in the young man's mind.
Single again.
Separated after a brief but sordid affair, Karen decides a new start in a new home would be beneficial. Incredibly, she finds she is already intimately acquainted with the rude and arrogant owner of the cottage she has set her heart on, and decides to use this fact to her advantage.
Xia and the screenwriter.
An inexperienced but eager screenwriter has a movie script accepted and filming is quickly scheduled. After an on-set accident involving the leading man, our hero is press-ganged into a scene with Xia, the sexiest and most famous star of her generation.
Coffee with Cock.
A young man muses over the female clientele in a bustling coffee shop, with candid commentary from his willing, eager and constantly throbbing companion.
The car park.
Finding instant affinity in a late-night chat room, two daring and fortuitously local lovers are inspired to brave the drifting snow and share a stunning hour of backseat passion.
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