Another Monday. Another revelation. As per usual, I was the first to speak
'When do the appointments start?' Their faces were inexplicably blank. 'You know? The guys I've been luring here for the last four weeks? When do they start turning up?'
I didn't think the question overly contentious though was about to learn otherwise. Pam's wan smile stayed fixed, while her eyes rolled from me to Geoff and back again.
'Let me get you a coffee, honey.'
Leather creaked, castors rolled silently, and she was out the door. Though still a big woman, she could be decidedly nimble. I turned to Geoff.
'What the fuck was that?'
Geoff feigned ignorance.
'What?'
'Stupid face; rolling eyes; coffee. To be honest, I've seen the face and eyes before, but she's never made me a coffee. Never ever. I'll ask you again: what the fuck was...'
He blurted.
'She's grateful. And... embarrassed. Yes, grateful and embarrassed. About what you saw and what you agreed to pretend you never saw. So am I.'
A sigh escaped me.
'Listen, it's nothing. We all have things we'd like to forget.'
Again the big doleful eyes. Again the porn movie playing in his head. Again me the star. And once again my burning regret. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Pam returned. With a clink, she placed a steaming cup and supporting saucer on the smoked glass in front of me. Besides a gleaming spoon, the saucer also played host to a cylindrical choc-dipped wafer biscuit, the type you only ever see in coffee shops.
'It's filter. Black Mountain. Subtle and very, very smooo...'
I butted in.
'Pam, there really is no need for this. As I was just saying to Geoff, it will go no further. We all have things we'd rather forget.'
Now my shameful film began playing behind her glazed eyes, or at least, I imagined it was. I really could not take much more.
'Regarding the appointments,' Pam's voice had suddenly adopted an officious tone, 'I've scheduled the first for the week after next.'
Refusing to play her game, I double-yolked the informality.
'Pammy, sweetheart, I'll have finished collecting data by a week on Friday. Surely the nurse is available to start the examinations before then?'
Geoff leaned forwards, interlocked his fingers around his knees and peered at me over his glasses.
'There, er, is no, er, nurse, as such, er, Sally. The, er, budget. Remember?'
I'd worked with these two long enough to know what was coming.
'So I'm the fucking nurse too, am I? Shove a broom up my arse and I'll sweep the floor while I'm at it!'
There was silence while they seemingly considered the possibility. Pam spoke first.
'I'd do it, honey, but I might,' her lip actually quivered, 'adversely affect the outcomes. Yer know?'
Geoff gallantly leapt to her defence.
'No, Pam, never! You never adversely affect my outcome! Quite the opposite, in fact!'
She giggled like a schoolgirl then patted his thigh.
'Not everyone has your good taste, love, unfortunately.'
'And obviously,' Geoff quickly added, 'I can't go handling men's bits, measuring and what-not? Once they saw me, there'd be nothing left to measure.'
By way of illustration, he waggled his little finger. Again I stood, and again I slammed my chair back into the wall, an event now so commonplace they didn't even look up. Then the reality struck me: fresh out of uni, this young, single, sexually frustrated girl had walked straight into a well-paid job involving the rather daunting though not wholly unpleasant task of measuring the length and girth of a thousand young men's erect cocks. One thousand. Young men. Erect cocks. Fuck. What a prospect that was. I could hardly wait to start. However, in deference to my fabled poker skills, I wasn't going to let these two fuckers know it. I slumped back into my chair, stuck out my lip, and folded my arms across my cute little tits. Pam was incredulous.
'Listen carefully, honey. One thousand. Young men. Erect cocks. What is your fucking problem?'
Apart from when I'd caught her with Geoff's cock stretching her sphincter, it was the first time I'd ever heard her swear. I tried to remain suitably petulant, though my heart was no longer in it.
'Well, fuck you. I'm not doing it.'
Read the conclusion of this torrid tale plus - extremely generously, I feel - nine further stories in 'Measuring up', my latest collection of concise erotica, available now exclusively on Amazon.
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