For sale! The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts: a tasty selection of treat-size erotica

Hi

I've finished all the editing, the proof-reading, the cover designing, the soul-searching, and have now uploaded it. There may be a flaw or two - even the best of the best have typos and the like - though it's as good as this single human working alone could possibly make it. It's for sale now, over on Amazon. 

See my new book here!

Even if you don't fancy it, please pop over and take a look! I'd really appreciate it.

The blurb is here:

The title of Alexandra's latest collection suggests a mixed bag, a compendium without a common theme, a lot without a lot in common, a congregation without a prayer of being unified. But, thankfully for us all, one theme runs throughout: sex. And, accordingly, the stories will both quicken your heart and animate your private parts.

However, Miss Amalova is simply not content to have you in need of clean undies. There is more to her writing than the purely erotic. Alexandra knows better than most that, to be remembered, a lover must stimulate the intellect, make suggestions and forge connections that light up all areas of the mind, and - as you will discover - she believes the same applies to writers of erotica. Hence, after reading these torrid tales, your mind may well also need clean undies.

In this crinkly and unfortunately non-recyclable bag, you will find teeth-rotting erotica with the following unwholesome ingredients: genetically modified sci-fi; hydrogenated history; high-cholesterol drama; invert introspection; an immeasurable quantity of quantum mechanics; crystallised psychosis; a sugar sprinkling of steam-less steampunk - plus an unspecified array of both natural and unnatural flavourings and colourings. Salt.

These morsels are strictly for adults only. Consume no more than one per hour, with an absolute maximum of five per day. Continual use may cause inflamed or over-active sex glands. Consult a doctor if such symptoms do not persist.

Hope you can spare a minute to look at the rest. 

All the best,

Alexandra :) xxx

Out soon! From Alexandra Amalova: A new collection of tasty erotica!

Hi

It's that time of year again. Which is any time of year. Independent of seasons, holidays, saint's days, or the weather. It's that time when I think it is time. 

It's great. No deadlines. No reminders. No one chasing me. I decide. And the time is nigh...

I'm currently in the final phases of editing and compiling a sixth collection of my erotic short stories. Most of the tales were conceived and written within the last few months, though a couple are actually six, maybe seven, years old. 

There may be some amongst you who have read my stories before, indeed, may even have bought a book before (if not, see them all here: Amazon.com/author/alexandra_amalova), so you will know what to expect. There is sex, yes. Often graphic sex. But as well as being an aid to sexual self-stimulation, there is always a point, an underlying theme to which the sex plays a lubricious (in all of the word's deliciously gaping-wide meaning) supporting role. 

I'm calling it (suitably regal and awe-inspiring trumpets and drum roll):

The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts

With a tag line of

A tempting selection of treat-size erotica

My books usually have a secondary (after the sex, of course) unifying theme - paramormal, Sci-fi, teachers, etc -  though these stories are more of a 'mixed bag'. Did you see what I did there? 

I'll let you know once it's out there. Oh yes, I will. Over and over, forcing it, nay, ramming it down your throat till you are sick! Meanwhile, finger the flippant cover, the sweet and crinkly almost-comestible cover. Mmm. Rustle it. Hold the open neck of the bag over your nose and inhale. More mmmmmmm. Some of the prize-winning contents are sweet, yes, while others are surprisingly and rather rewardingly sweaty, spermy, fruity, earthy, bitter, salty, shadowy, and decidedly, disgustingly, dark. Inhale. Inhale and lose yourself.

Perhaps I need to point out that the man made from sweets (more precisely, from liquorice allsorts), the one with his back to us and approaching the leering naked girl while apparently contemplating which liquorice delicacy he is going to fill her up with tonight (personally, I'm hoping it's the ribbed black monster in his sweaty pink hand, though the dirty girl is definitely leaning more towards its twisted variant cradled in her welcoming lap) is not the famous trade-marked figurehead of that equally famous Sheffield sweet manufacturer, but a very distant and much darker relative (Obviously. For starters, he hasn't even got a hat on). Distant, darker and dirtier. It's as if his constituent parts were dropped on the filthy floor, kicked through the muddy gutter, then spat on and rubbed clean on a tatty sleeve, before being secretly dropped back in the bag. I mean, look at that monster in his mit! Look at the pussy-stretching size of the alternatives. And see the girl's slender frame! Her wide and innocent eyes! Her unsullied, delicate mouth! It makes my own eyes water. My own unsullied mouth water. And produces similar though rather more viscous liquids elsewhere... 

I was going to write nothing today, simply post the cover (which, perhaps I should point out, I conceived and produced all by myself... and that's why I think of my books as my children) and get back to editing. Now I have more pressing, swollen, slippery matters to put to bed. Mmm, and again, mmm. The sweet story of my life...

Amazon.com author central pages add RSS blog feeds

Look, I'm no geek. Up till yesterday, I didn't even know what that meant.

As everyone who has a book for sale on Amazon, I have an author page (two, actually: one on Amazon.com and one at Amazon.co.uk), a place where all my books, my pretentious profile, all my wonderful (and unfortunate) reviews, links to Twitter, all that stuff, are cobbled together.  Recently, they have added the ability to include links to my blog. What do you mean, what do I mean? This. This page you are reading now! It's like there, below the scrolling shelf of books, within the scrolling Twiitter updates. Quite beautiful. And all for free-ish. Okay, so they take a percentage of my sales to upkeep and housekeep all these fancy gizmos, but I could never have afforded it on my own, so good luck to them. 

My Amazon.com page

If the link didn't work or you simply could not be arsed (I know, it's Sunday. All that food to eat and Liverpool are on the telly soon!) there's a non-functioning facsimile below. Come on you reds! 

Beautiful, isn't it!

Caroline's secret: an erotic short story in four parts. Fourth and final part.

Weeks passed. He didn't come back. At first, I thought he would. Expected him the very next day. So I applied some subtle extra make-up. Took a little more time with my hair. And though the customers got more flirty, it was otherwise all in vain. He never showed. Still, I didn't let up. I began a rigorous diet. Just in case. Joined a gym. Well, you never know. I lost eleven pounds the first week. Six pounds the next. It dropped off me. I saw my ribs again. Felt my hip bones. Lost the chins. Gained a coterie of admirers. I dyed the streaks of grey from my hair. Waxed away every bodily follicle. 

To fill the time - and everything else that mattered - I got myself a new bloke from the shop. I was filling shelves. He was emptying them. Dropping all sorts of crap in his trolley just so he could stand there and watch me bend, squat, and stretch. God, it felt so good! Though I'm naturally shy, the presence of this man turned me burlesque, created a pole-dancing shelf-stacker. Again and again, I rose and fell; up and down, like a wanking fist. Finally, I stood on tiptoe, stretched till my skirt rode all the way up my lean thighs. And hold... A cool breeze from aisle two kissed my arse cheeks. They were tight as a drum, primed for a good spanking. I could almost hear the blood pumping up his cock. He sighed. Mmm. For the merest moment, I thought of Alice and what she would do. Then I thought like Alice and spoke like her too. Confidently and care-free. Flirtily and fluently, with not a stammer in sight. It was almost better than cumming.

'Condoms are in aisle three, love.'

'Sorry?'

Like a dancer, I turned as I came back to Earth. Like a whore, I bit my bottom lip and smouldered.

'It's just that If you keep leering like that, we're going to need some.'

On our first date, I stopped the car and fucked him in the back like we were teenagers. On the second, he ate me out then shoved it up me while I did the washing-up after a takeaway. That Saturday, he invited me to suck him off while he watched the football then returned the oral favour during Strictly. And so it continued. However, despite the promising start and my best efforts, his interest eventually waned. And so did mine. At night, with him sound asleep and with my fingers gently circling my poking clit, I pictured Jack loading up my conveyor with sensuous goods: chocolate; champagne; cucumbers; and condoms. In my tightest black skirt, I'd slide off my stool, show him my stocking tops, my skimpy white knickers, then slip them off, stuff them into his bulging carrier, and whisper my sordid instructions. Wank into them and bring them back. I'll wear them. Press them to my smooth slippery quim till I squirt then hand them over to you again. Then we'll repeat it. Round and round. Cummy knickers. Spunky undies. Mmmm. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I realised too late that the bed was bouncing.

'Caz! Wake up! You're having a nightmare! Come on, wake up! For fuck's sake! I've got work in the fucking morning!'

'W w wha? Oh... S s sorry. Was I? Oh, yeah. It was a dream, that's all. Just a dream...'

One night, I called him James, the sex was so pedestrian. The next day, he walked out.

Read the conclusion of this torrid tale plus eleven further stories in ' The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts', a tooth-rotting collection of concise erotica, available now exclusively on Amazon.

Caroline's secret: an erotic short story in 4 parts. Part 3

Still I waited. Day followed night followed day followed night until, on the next full moon, I sensed his impossible presence. Footsteps. Breathing. Though I dared not look, dared not break the spell, I barely needed to, could picture him in all his glory standing before me. Undoing his cloak. Letting it fall. Stepping forward till he stood naked between my welcoming thighs, his manhood drawn back, its shaft straight, the shining arrowed head aimed unerringly at its target.

Weight pressed on me. Bitter breath affronted me. The burning pain in my loins was instant and unbearable. My dripping blood hissed as it hit the crystal lattice that supported us. A monster's roar ripped the air. Shock prised open my eyes. A beast rode me, rose above me, its fiery hair casting sparks into the rising wind. A gaping mouth, a neglected graveyard of yellowed stones, now filled my incredulous gaze, and issued a string of humiliating obscenities from its putrid depths.

'Oh, fuck, Caz! Fuck! You're a virgin. You really are a fucking virgin!'

Believe it or believe it not, I was grateful for James. I loved him. And for a while we were happy. Eventually, two over-sized ginger crowns stretched my once-tight pussy; two hungry mouths suckled on my once-tiny nipples. As my twenties expired, I realised I'd put on some weight - something I used to dream of as a teenager, though something that gave me nightmares as a mum -  and had settled into dour though reassuring domesticity. We talked about school sometimes, James and I, laughed about the teachers and the stuff we got up to.

*

'You fancied that Cole guy, didn't you?'

We'd just fucked, a once regular event growing rarer and rarer. As he'd hurriedly withdrawn, James' last spurt had splashed my gaping gash then dribbled across my anus; the rest would soon be leaking from me and onto the sheets, and I had to clamp my thighs together to avoid the dreaded wet patch.

'Nnnnno!' 

He licked a stiff nipple.

'Yes, yer did. Alice told me...'

Her name and our marriage were uneasy bedfellows, even at more than ten years' distance. I pushed him off me and onto my side of the bed then rolled onto his. Clenching my teeth, I twisted my face, screwed up my eyes, but even in the stupid pig-ugly darkness, the words wouldn't come. Fuck it. In frustration, I opened my thighs, pulsed my loins and baptised the bottom sheet with his congealing cum. Sleep on that, you fucker. Childish, I know, but sometimes he deserved it.

'Then she was lying.' I flung my legs out of bed, slipped on my slippers and made for the bathroom. While snatching a silk dressing gown off the back of the door, I tossed sackcloth words over my shoulder. 'She lies about lots of things.' 

Read the conclusion of this torrid tale plus eleven further stories in ' The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts', a tooth-rotting collection of concise erotica, available now exclusively on Amazon.

Caroline's secret: an erotic short story in 4 parts. Part 2

Alice and I were an odd couple. Though born within days of each other and under the same star sign, we were as different as sharks and sheep. She was brash, loud, petulant, and rude, whereas I was not. She was curvy, confident, soft, and sensuous. Again, I was not. She was experienced, an experimenter, a smoker and a drinker. And I was none of the above. She was wanton, womanly, wise, and wonderful. Aggressive. Fearless. Thoughtless. Shameless. I was...

I was wooden, hesitant, frightened. Skinny, spotty, sweaty. Awkward, boring, invisible. Amongst the people I wanted to impress the most, the few strengths I had were not seen as strengths at all. I was clever, diligent, bookish. Caring, thoughtful, sensitive. Forgiving and forgetting, and for my sake, mainly. 

And yes, I was jealous. Jealous of my best friend. What I wouldn't have given to be Alice 'Tits' Taylor. The girl every girl feared and admired. The girl every boy wanted to fuck.

Several of the boys - and several men besides - actually had.

Her dad would have killed them all if he'd known. He was a drunk. And violent with it. He'd been a soldier, but war had somehow fucked his head and, on coming home, he had been unemployable. Soon after his traumatic return, Alice's mum died. Cancer called and carried her away within three months. The funeral was in the same week that my lovable-but-layabout dad finally left home. Though Alice's loss was unimaginably greater than mine, it was she who consoled me. We were six. I have loved her ever since.

When our exams were done, we went camping, Alice and I. Perhaps not camping so much as we set up a tent under a tree in the park. It was, of course, Alice's idea. She said it would be a laugh. While she got drunk and filled the tent with smoke, I received her sermon, her salacious sexual sermon, some of which turned my stomach with disgust; the rest of which turned my pussy inside out with longing.

A gentle breeze swept across the sleeping moor and brushed between the flower-laden stalks. Within one nodding petalled head, the two tiny creatures huddled together. Gently swaying stamens scattered golden dust that slowly settled on the sleepy companions, intoxicating, mesmerising, and sweetening their dreams.

A wary eye eased open. A pointy ear strained to hear. Its owner held her breath while holding her sleeping friend close to her body. Beyond their velvet enclave the night was silent. Within their hushed hidy-hole, there was likewise no sound, save her friend's deep and even breathing, and her own thudding heart. Fingertips tested her own skin, sampled the familiar flesh that pressed against them, rehearsing the journey they would soon be making. Through deep valleys, over soaring peaks, across undulating plains, to where Eden awaited, her mythical downy meadow cleaved by a forbidden river of the sweetest honey.

Read the conclusion of this torrid tale plus eleven further stories in ' The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts', a tooth-rotting collection of concise erotica, available now exclusively on Amazon.

Caroline's secret: an erotic short story in 4 parts. Part 1

Though her head is full of faeries and fantasy, a young girl aches to be a woman 

Caroline's secret. Part 1

'Don't start your story with dialogue, Caroline! How many more times?'

'But Sir, mmmost things I read start that way.' I bit my pen top. Teased my tongue around it. He tried not to watch me too closely. 'And sssso I'm merely d d drawing on my influences.'

Mr Cole raised his eyebrows yet immobilised everything below them and gazed right through me. No, not through. Inside. He gazed inside me, pursued my Secret as she scurried to safety. 

Through the ripening corn she sped. Past the line of trees into open ground. Pittered over the drawbridge. Pattered across the courtyard. A handle turned. Hinges creaked. She slipped through the heavy oaken door. Down the spiral stone steps into the kingdom's darkest cellars. Down into the dankest dungeons. Twisting and turning, she retraced her steps, sometimes appearing to pass through solid stone. She oozed through cracks; wafted through bars; slid under massive immovable doors. Deeper and deeper she ran. Another staircase. And another. Along a rough-hewn tunnel. Through a rough-hewn door. Till she reached the deepest, darkest, dankest stygian cell. She huddled into the corner. Buried herself under a pile of filthy, moulding rags. Held her breath. Heart thumping. Ears ringing. Blood coursing. She waited. And waited. And waited. Footsteps. Louder. Breathing. Closer. Slowly and carefully, one by one, the rags were picked away. A single flickering candle lit her pristine porcelain innocence. Shaking his head, her pursuer gently lifted her quivering chin and sighed at the guilty tears that filled her wide frightened eyes.

'It's okay, Caroline's Secret. I'll keep you safe in here. I'll lock you in. No one else need ever know.'

Secrets are quick and cunning creatures, and this one, my best and worst, was not going to fall for that old trick.

'There is nothing to know. I was simply playing, testing to see if you could follow me and find me.'

'Oh!' He feigned shock. 'A game is it? Ah! I see.'

'Yes. Of course. What else could it be?'

'I'm sure I cannot say. But you run fast and hide well for someone who does not in fact appear to exist.'

'Well, okay. Keep the dialogue in if you like. You're right; it's a technique often used these days, but it lacks class. It's for pulp, tries too hard to engage the reader, and comes across as desperate.' His breath warmed my throat as he leaned closer. 'You're a good writer, Caroline. You don't need to be that desperate. Okay?'

I was blushing. Only seconds ago, he'd silently promised he would keep it locked away, yet, for the briefest moment, my Secret had somehow escaped. Numbed buttocks subtly squirming in my seat alerted me to the fact that my cheap cotton knickers were wet. I stammered.

'O... okay. Thanks, Sir. I'll t t try not to be that...'

I couldn't even say the word.

Mr Cole rose slowly from where he squatted beside me and ambled down the aisle between the columns of battered desks. Alice's naked knee nudged mine. Her eyes sparkled. I knew what was coming before she did.

'Nice arse!'

The teacher stopped suddenly. Turned slowly. Narrowed his eyes and wrinkled his forehead, exactly as they teach them at teacher school.

'What did you say, girl?'

If quick with nothing else, Alice was always quick with her mouth.

'Can I arsk...' I shook my head at her insubordinate brilliance, 'if I can go to the toilet, please, Sir?'

He was emphatic.

'No!' After glancing at a non-existent watch on his wrist, he made do with the constantly tardy clock that hung slightly askew above the whiteboard. 'It's only just after break, girl.'

Alice whined as only a sixteen year-old girl can.

'But Sir! It's that time of the month and my nan says...'

Mr Cole clasped a hand to his eyes, while waving the other towards the half-glazed, half-open door. Some lads at the back sniggered. Some girls at the front did likewise. My best friend Alice had no shame at all. Still hasn't. The reddening young teacher spluttered.

'Yes, yes, of course. Just go. And be quick about it.' He glowered. 'And let's have some maturity in here, shall we?'

Her chair scraped. She bent and picked up her bulging handbag, a receptacle that hopelessly doubled as her schoolbag. No wonder she was always without the requisite books and folders, was always so ill-equipped. Across the aisle from me, an incessantly sleepy James Baldwin raised his ginger head from his heavily-graffitied desk. He opened his dried lips, bared his yellow twisted teeth and whispered.

'So you'll not be fucking me tonight then, eh, Alice?'

Again, Alice was quick off the mark. How I envied the sharpness of her coarse tongue. Still do. She slid her little finger between her plush lips then waggled it, glistening, in the air.

'No, but I might suck your little cock again, James, if I can find it, that is.'

Though barely more than a hissed whisper, the whole class heard it and there was uproar. At that moment, Mr Cole, perhaps because he was on the edge of laughter himself, chose deaf muteness as his momentary disability of choice. It was a good call. He was young and new to the school, yet it was evident to all that he was quickly going to become a very good teacher.

Read the conclusion of this torrid tale plus eleven further stories in ' The Big Bag of Sexy Allsorts', a tooth-rotting collection of concise erotica, available now exclusively on Amazon.